un-prayed prayers

      I don't even remember when I met the Jamiesons... I must have been about 14. But whenever it was, there wasn't a time throughout my high school career that I didn't have them consistently a part of my life. Marshall and Emily Jamieson were the Mercer Island Younglife area directors, leading weekly gatherings for middle school and high school students, personally discipling countless young people, and opening up their home on a nearly daily basis to all who desired to dig deeper into the word, needed a listening ear, or just wanted a freshly baked cookie during lunchtime. Their house was 3 doors down from the high school, and during my senior year I was probably over there more frequently than anywhere else. Marshall oversaw me as I stepped into leadership for the first time. Emily saw me through boy problems, girl problems, more boy problems, stupid teenage rebellion, and some of the most significant moments of my life. I watched their family grow from one to two to three little rambunctious boys. And then four years later God called us both into unexpected new territory, sending me across the ocean to spend 3 years working with YWAM and sending them 15 minutes down the freeway to spend 3 years as the Younglife area directors of Issaquah and Sammamish.

      Every spring since I joined YWAM, I would fly back to Washington for a month or two and I always found time to catch up with the Jamiesons. Our lives have changed so much in just 3 years. I have seen and experienced adventures and movements of God that I never could have imagined. They have added another son to their family, tallying it all up to 4 little men now. I had led teams of young people across the world to live out the love of Jesus. They have overseen ministry and discipleship for middle schools and high schools across multiple school districts. Our areas of influence have expanded, our dreams have broadened, and our relationship with one another has deepened and matured as I have moved from the role of their student to that of their friend.

     I remember sitting in a beautiful chapel in a boring baccalaureate service for my brother's college graduation in Chicago. It was May of last year, and I sat staring up into the tall, ornate ceiling asking God what I was doing with my life. I was about to go back to Kona, Hawaii the following week for my second year of staffing with YWAM, I was nearly 21 years old, I had zero college education (and zero desire to acquire one) and no "calling". I wondered if going to YWAM had been wise. I mean here I was at my brother's college graduation with nothing to show for from my past couple years but a few stamps in my passport and some cool stories! No no no, I quickly tossed that thought, knowing that my time in YWAM was deeply significant and God had clear purpose in it. But I did wonder, and admittedly worry, about what I was to do next.
     Suddenly my mind was totally overrun with one idea: I needed to live with the Jamiesons. I needed to serve their family. Excitement brimmed in my spirit for a moment, but was quickly stifled by logic- what good would that do for my future, to live and work for free for a family with no end-goal in mind? What would my friends and family and supporters think of me? I didn't know, and I didn't want to ask and find out. So I kept the idea to myself, thinking it as just that instead of something that only could have popped into my mind like that with the direction of the Holy Spirit. 

     As the months passed this year, I chose not to worry about what would happen this spring after my two year commitment to YWAM ended. I felt peace and permission not to over think and over plan. But if someone were to ask what I felt I would do, I would say with very little confidence that I hoped to live-in nanny... maybe. I brought nothing up about this to the Jamiesons, assuming that me living with them wasn't even a possibility. The thought that God had planted the idea in my head seemed more and more unlikely as time went on.

     This February I was in the middle of a university tour across southwest America, running worship and outreach events as we drove from state to state. It had been 8 months since that moment at my brother's graduation, and there was only a month until my ticket was booked to fly me back to Seattle with no plan of what to do there and no intention of returning to Kona. I sat reading in our AirBnB just north of Denver when my phone rang. It was Emily Jamieson. We had been half-heartedly playing phone tag for a month or so, and she finally found time to call me while her boys ran around at a McDonald's playplace. Our conversation wasn't any more than 10 minutes, and I honestly don't even remember what we talked about. All I can recall is Emily asking where I would live and what I would do when I came home. With uneasiness in my heart I told her I had no idea, to which she immediately said, "Oh, you will come live with us!" She quickly told me we could talk more about it later, and then hung up to go corral her boys.
     What? 8 months of questioning and doubt and uncertainty all smoothed over by an 8 minute conversation? I couldn't fathom it, and I didn't believe it. Does God really answer prayers that haven't been prayed?
     After 3 years of full time mission work, I have seen the Lord show up in extraordinary ways. Not only have I seen this in ministering to others, but I have seen it so personally in my own life. Not once have I been in need financially since I joined YWAM. In a single day the Lord provided nearly double the funds I needed for my Discipleship Training School. He has brought together such specific people into my life right at the perfect timing. He has spoken so clearly through his word and teachings and worship and my mentors. He has taken me to the most beautiful places. He has let me experience life to the fullest. But honestly, I fully believed in my heart that this provision and peace and purpose that Jesus had poured into me throughout my time with YWAM would be over the second I stepped out. No more full time missions? No more help from him. I needed to learn to fend for myself in the real world.
     But that is not who Jesus is!

     I write this while sitting in my bed in my cute little attic at the Jamiesons' house. This has now been my new home for about a week, and I am still pondering the movements and timing of God in my heart. I am struck by his gentleness with me. I am humbled by his trust in me. I am honored by this new season of becoming a part of a family that I adore and admire. And I have continually watched as my God has answered prayers that I haven't prayed.
     The Lord blesses and honors an obedient and surrendered life. He sees our simple desires and he loves them because he is the one who gave them to us. He isn't confined to move only through casting us off into the ends of the world (although there are many times he would if we would only give him permission to). He is just as active and present in a world-wide missions movement as he is in a family of 6 in Northwest America. Though I don't see very far down the road, I have peace knowing that I can trust who I'm walking with.

The Lord directs the steps of the godly.

He delights in every detail of their lives.

Though they stumble, they will never fall,

for the Lord holds them by the hand.

Psalm 37:23&24